even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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