Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
