WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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