I am in a vortex of obligation.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
