It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
