Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
