i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
