I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
