So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
