why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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