____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
