My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
