I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
