A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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