Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Enjoy the penises
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
