My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
