i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
