i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
