I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
