i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
