i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
