Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
