I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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