if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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