Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
