my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
