My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
