I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
