Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
