When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
