I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
