I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize