she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
