508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
