he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize