let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
