you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
