it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize