just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
honey bunches of taint.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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