well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Randomize
