so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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