It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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