just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
