Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
