So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
