Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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