She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
