i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
