He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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