Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
