I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
