I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
