I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
