it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
