he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So vagazzling was a success
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
