And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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