he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
