Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
