That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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