Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
