Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
