help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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