Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
