once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
