I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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