If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
