dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
