i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
