I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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