i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
