I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
