i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My bed smells like the plague
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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