and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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