The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
