Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
