Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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