I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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