Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
