if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
