that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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