Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize