on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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