he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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