I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
