also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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