He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to jail i love you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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