Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
