I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
