Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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