I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
