thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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