I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
