Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
