College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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