Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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