Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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