Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just cropdusted the office
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
