i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
