I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
