apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
