Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize