remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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