This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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