Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
