Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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