im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
